Too Starbuck
by Olivia Black
Summary: Get a first hand glimpse into Starbucks mind during Hand of God.
1. Too Much Responsibility

Author blurb: I wrote this while/after watching The Hand of God last week on space. I think it's pretty straight forward. Written in second person because I've never written anything in that tense and I wanted to try it out. I think it turned out pretty well. Feed back would be lovely and archiving is fine with me as long as you let me know where. I'm having some issues with formatting that I am trying to fix.

Too Much Responsibility.

You want to cry, you want to yell. You want to hit something as hard as humanly possible. When he said those words, "Sorry, Starbuck." There was nothing you would do.

Now their giving you more responsibility then you have ever had. Responsibility you never wanted. All you want to think about is shooting Cylons out of the sky and getting your viper back in one piece.

As much as you hate to admit it, you don't think Lee can do your job. It could be your ego but you can't believe he has the stones to pull it off. You've sat through too many shit lectures about all your stupid stunts to accept he could really do anything that wasn't by-the-book.

You saw the plan he cooked up with Tigh. The old man was right to bring you in. You haven't seen Apollo leave the box since that time back at the academy when you glued his underwear drawer shut.

On second thought, doubting him so openly was probably not a good idea. The only thing it serves to do is lower his less than solid confidence. You may not believe he can do it but you still want him to come back alive. If you were totally honest with yourself, you'd admit you're jealous as frak. He gets all the glory on this while you're stuck deck-side for Gods know how long.

What's worse is you let the Commander know about the green-eyed monster living under your skin. You're letting this injury get the best of you. Everyone knows it, it's time you face facts. If you're going to be stuck doing anything besides what you love there is no point in pissing off anyone who still dares to get close.

Maybe if you just realized that flying is your forte but your still good at other things too. Your plan worked well enough and it threw the President through a loop too. You have to admit that flying through that tube was sharp thinking. Apollo has been spending too much time around you, you're wearing off on him.

It was nice to see your plan work but living with the costs is not something that will help you sleep at night. You don't know how they do it. The old man, Lee, even frakking Tigh have to make decisions that will almost certainly end more than a few pilot's lives.

The mission has saved humanity but it has allowed for more opportunities to risk yours and your fellow pilot's lives. That is assuming you ever get to see the inside of your cockpit again. You couldn't even handle three G's for frak sake.

So now, the question is what are you going to do about it? Or what CAN you do about it? Stop lying to yourself about it would be a good start. Patience might help too. Stop forgetting you're human.

What are the advantages of being deck-side then? You get more bunk time. You get your food earlier than most people. And too much time to yourself. Granted it's easier to pass time on the Galactica than inside your cockpit on an especially long afternoon. But that's assuming you have anything to do in the first place. Which face it, you don't. Your main past-times for the past two years have been gambling, drinking and smocking. Not much of the last two going around anymore. The game has lost some of it's excitement. With the constant threat of attack looming over everyone, it has gotten hard to just hang out over a good game of cards.

You also don't want to have to listen to everyone talk about flying. It just makes you more anxious to get back in the air and show them how it's done. Not that all this stops you from playing. The only other thing you have to do is work out. There is only so much time you can spend in the gym before your body never forgives you.

In the grand scheme of things, a bummed knee is not so bad. There are things much worse and you have experienced some of them. Lately you've just had too much time on your hands to think about it. If you had been out there today you wouldn't be sitting in your bunk listening to the after math of one hell of a party mulling over the recent events of your life.

743 words


	2. Too Easy

Author's Blurb: Because I'm so cool I've decided I'm going to write one of these things for every episode. This one is set during Colonial Day. Wrote this just now. Since I have all the episodes up 'till this one, you can expect one of these for each episode coming up in the next few week providing I have time. Any ways, I hope you enjoy and feed back would make me feel pretty.

Too Easy.

You march into Baltar's lab the way only you can and tell him the plan. It amuses you that he has no idea what's been going on around him. He's quite the charmer but under all that grease he's still a dweeby little genius with a less than solid grip on reality. You're sarcasm in the midst of his attempts to seduce you never fail to throw him off. You like to toy with him like a cat would a mouse.

You are not looking forward to running security at the summit. There are too many places to be at all at once. Just thinking about it makes you regret letting Apollo rope you into it. Not that you really mind being on the Cloud Nine luxury liner. It's been too long since you've seen the sun. You've forgotten the feeling of it on your skin years ago. Since being transferred to the Galactica you haven't had much reason to go back to Caprica.

You liked it better when it was just the cylons you had to worry about. This is exactly why you don't keep with politics. It makes your life more complicated that it needs to be.

Sometimes it amazes you how easy the universe makes things. How that hose just happened to be there. How Lee just happened to have his back turned so you could pick it up. Just like that you become a kid again. You can be so serious that the CAG will let his guard down. Just in time to have you revert to childhood on him. It's a lesson he can't seem to remember. Oh well. You'll just have to keep teaching him until he learns.

You're watching Zarek like a hawk. You missed last time but it's not something you plan to repeat. Lee let him live for some inexplicable reason. Or at least none he would give you. Now he is extremely on edge. You think maybe he regrets his choice. You hope for his sake he gets a reason to get Zarek.

It's been a while since you've seen the hard ass Captain Adama. It figures that one of the Sagitarians would give you a hard time. They've all decided that no one likes them, which is just helping that to come true.

Although you know Apollo can handle himself it's still your job to get his back. You wish your knee was in better shape but what can you do? You just shove anyone who decides to mess with the Starbuck. So he's taller than you and heavier than you. He doesn't have military training or you're trusty whacking stick.

He's got you on the ground and that's when you see it. Mr. Indecisive pick up a gun and put it back in his briefcase. You have to scramble to your feet despite the searing pain shooting up your leg, bail Lee out and catch him before he does something rash. Once again your lovely cane has come in handy. It's not as much of a nuisance as thought it was.

Good cop, bad cop has got to be one of your favorite games. Arguably, it's more fun in the bedroom but it's just as fun to torture a criminal. Okay, so you don't know for sure if he's a criminal or not. But if he's carrying a gun he's probably used it or planned to.

You get to play good cop for a change. Not that you're very nice. You're just letting Lee rough him up while you frak with his mind. In the back of your mind you wonder why Lee let Zarek get under his skin like this.

You also wonder what changed. You remember Apollo going on about Zarek's book and how it was revolutionary and all that. You remember that he held a certain admiration for the man because of it. Now he just wanted Zarek dead. Being held hostage more than likely has something to do with it. That and just getting to know the man. You figure he didn't turn out to what Lee expected.

Something happened to you, Kara Thrace. You see a dead man and all you can feel is indignant. Frustrated because someone got to him before you could get all the information you needed. What happened to compassion or at least shock? There was a time when you were much more disturbed when you found someone who was alive and you had talked to not long before dead. Not that you let it show much but it was still there. Lee was at least worried about there being a killer on the loose.

You don't see how someone could have done it. Who ever it was must have spent a hell of a lot of time in the vents. It could have been suicide but everyone seems dead set on Tom Zarek being the killer. All be it, he was a terrorist, when did he have time to figure out where the prisoner was being held?

Sometimes you wonder if your relationship with the CAG is a little too comfortable. You go from talking business to him making fun of your hygiene in a fraction of a second. That's not how a typical conversation with the CAG should go. Things aren't as black and white between the two of you because you were friends before he was your CAG. The rummer mill has always been spewing things about you when you had assignment together in the past. Although now you do intend to show him how well you can clean up. Now you just have to figure out where you will find a dress on such short notice.

You certainly did show him. He was completely caught off guard. A flustered Lee is always good for a few laughs. But you aren't going to hold that against him. Which is why you took control of the situation. So you danced with him and it was nice. Really nice. You couldn't help but notice the look of hurt and disappointment on his face when you let Baltar cut in the next song.

1026 words


	3. Too Many Lies

Author's Blurb: So yeah... this one is set during Kobol's Last Gleaming Part One. Same jazz as the other ones. I don't like this one that much but what ever. Here you go, enjoy.

Too many Lies

You let him touch you. You let him go where few have ever gone. Not because you love him. Not because you even like him. You let him because the one person you want to bring you to ecstasy is the one person you can't touch. So while he isn't with you physically he is in your mind. And that's why his name slips out of your mouth and brings everything crashing down on you. Gias rolls of you and you leave his quarters with your tail between your legs. Not one of your greatest moments.

The little bastard. You should have know he'd be a big baby about the whole situation. You got out of there fast as possible. That game would have gotten real messy. You didn't want Lee to see the aftermath of your little romp. You're ashamed for hooking up with Gias. You don't want Lee to find out but you know he will. You're not sure how he will react. He could get mad or he could just not care. You don't know which is worse.

He picked angry. He came in acting civil enough but you knew he didn't come just to chat. You can tell he's angry by his body language even though you refuse to look at him. You're right when you say you don't owe him anything. He never made a move so you didn't either. But he didn't have to bring up past mistakes. That world is gone. Past mistakes don't apply anymore. So you hit him because he deserves it. What right does he have to get up in your face about what you choose to do with your time. But he's mad so he hits you back. When hitting you doesn't solve anything, he asks you why. It's because you're a screw up and you tell him so before going back to work.

With all your own problems, you've missed something. Boomer's in the hospital. She shot herself. Everyone believed her lame ass story but you know her just a little bit better than that. You know that she is just a little bit anal when it comes to the details. How could you have missed all the signs. When the world ended, they made sure everyone could pick out the changes in behavior that lead to suicide. She hadn't been so talkative lately and that was fine. You weren't exactly in the mood to talk either. You don't understand why she did it.

He's still mad when he enters the hanger deck where you're working. He bitches you out for going over his head and then asks you the details of your 'hair brain plan' all in the span of a minute. He's impressed but worried. It's a risky plan. You are well that it will probably result in your death. So you ask him if he'll miss you. His answer was a disappointment. You did manage to apologize. Not that you really should have to.

The President wants to talk to you. You're not sure if you should be worried. Then she starts asking you about your religious believes. It's not something you like to talk about with others. She wants you to fly a crazy mission that you aren't sure will work or if it would be worth the consequences to your career. And the she drops you are wholly unprepared for. How can the President be so sick? Now you feel obliged to hear her out. You still don't buy into it. The old man knows where earth is. Even as you say so, you realize you sound like a fanatic. But still you believe it and you trust him. You trust him more than a president that asks you to break the oath you live by.

Roslin told you to ask him so you do. Not directly. You know him better than that. You're asking more precise questions. He gives you bullshit answers that could mean anything. She was right. He Lied. You feel totally betrayed by the man you respect most. You don't know how he could lie to the entire fleet.

During the field test Apollo is nothing but professional with you. You return the favor but miss the usual banter that occurs when you fly together. He gives you the go ahead but you have some doubts.

You confront the old man. To make sure he knows that he's let you down. To let him know that you are going to get that arrow and bring it back so the President can lead humanity to earth.

Conversation over, you jump. Completely ignoring Apollo which feels good. You don't know if this is going to work but you don't regret at least giving it a shot.


End file.
